Yes, that's right! The elusive semi-immortal martial arts legend, Pei Mei, has been interviewed by one of the lowly (arent' they all?) henchmen of this blog. It, of course, wasn't easy. The whereabouts of this famous recluse were made known to us through an anonymous source (Okay, it was a note attached to the severed head of one of our employees, which was hurled through the window of our offices. We have to admit, it was pretty funny.). A secluded mountaintop held the small dwelling that Pei Mei has called his home for many centuries now.
Considering the Master of the Lotus Clan's murderous tendencies, we browbeat an intern into climbing the faint path up the mountain. Echoing cries of pain pierced the night's silence, disturbing our expedition party. We had to rewind The Office Season 2 a bit, because we didn't hear something funny Michael said. Those cries were really annoying.
Dawn broke and we found our intern lying still at the edge of our camp contorted into what one of our party helpfully described as a "bloody pretzel." There was much sadness, until someone discovered that our intern's tape recorder survived the ordeal. After burying the intern (The grave was unmarked. We couldn't remember his name.) in the best pail money can buy, we turned our attention to the recording. The following is a transcript of what we heard.
FCCK: So... um... haha... thanks for agreeing to do this interview.
Pei Mei: ...
FCCK: Haha. Heh. Um.. so how old are you?
*sounds of quick movement*
FCCK: *screams* Ah! Argh! Oh my... my EYE!! Why did you...?
Pei Mei: Shut up you dog! Don't ask such stupid questions or I'll crush your head like a grape!!
FCCK: No! Wait! Okay...okay... I'm sorry! My fault...
Pei Mei: And don't apologize! Stop sniveling! You're weakness makes me sick!
FCCK: Okay, okay! Just... I'm so... I mean okay. Just an *Ow!* an eye.... Ah this burns. The pain!
Pei Mei: Ask another question!
FCCK: Um... yeah. Okay, so...
Pei Mei: Hurry up!
FCCK: I... well... Ah, I've got blood on my notes... um... How old.. uh I mean... Maybe I should go. I'm losing a lot of blood here. Feel faint.
Pei Mei: You're okay.
FCCK: Haha. Yeah. Okay. Well... what is your favorite color?
Pei Mei: I'm color blind, you dog! Are you mocking me!?
FCCK: No!
*sounds of scuffle*
*static*
-end of transcription-
So, we hope you've enjoyed this interview with martial arts legend, Pei Mei. I think you can readily see from this candid piece, that he's just a regular guy.
NOTICE: Interns needed. Typing proficiency and high pain threshold a plus! Email us for more details.
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1 comment:
Good words.
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